Showing posts with label Medication Management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Medication Management. Show all posts
Sunday, February 9, 2014
New Medication
About two months ago, I started taking a new medication. The hope was that it would reduce one of the side effects I've been experiencing. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and I've become emotionally unstable.
I had been taking Adderall, which is an amphetamine. What I've noticed about taking this medication is that it causes me to sweat profusely. In the hopes of curbing this, I was changed to Vyvanse, a new medication that extends release over a longer period of time. Adderall hits the system all at once, so there is an immediate burst of energy which then tapers off. Think of it like a sugar high. Vyvanse is an extended release medication which lasts throughout the day, doling out small doses throughout the day. The thought was that by going for the longer acting drug, the effects would not be as extreme.
You might wonder what the big deal is about sweat. This isn't the usual sweat that happens as I go about my day and differ my exertion. Nope, this is walk five feet after showering and getting dressed, only to have rivulets running down my spine and drenching the back my clean shirt kind of sweat. And, it is happening in the freezing cold of a Minnesota winter! Summer brings its own special kind of hell, with wet hair, sweat dripping from my face, and clothes so soaked that they feel like they've just come out of the washing machine. It is disgusting and I don't care for it one bit.
Changing medications did not work. In fact, quite the opposite has occurred. It feels as if it has stopped working completely. I'm still sweating profusely, and I haven't been sleeping well. I can't seem to quiet my mind and relax. I'm teetering on the edge of wakefulness, unable to tilt myself towards the dark abyss. Along with this, my emotions are cycling like crazy.
I don't know what to expect from one minute or hour to the next. Last night, I was excited to go to a friend's place for dinner and minutes later was frustrated and angry, lashing out at Jen because I couldn't find my shoes, which were in the closet where I was looking. Mere seconds later, I was crying and blubbering like a baby on her shoulder. Today wasn't any better, crying off and on, I hid in the bed with dogs so as to minimize any interactions with Jen. I know it's hard on her too and it makes me feel like crap when I hurt her in the process. Swinging rapidly between mania and depression is a struggle I'm not up to right now. I would really like it to go away, but that won't happen soon.At least I see my psychiatrist and therapist in the next couple of days to help me cope with this situation.
Here's to meds that work and better days ahead.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Overnight remodel
I have to say that this past week has been quite rough. Sunday, January 12th was the start of a two-week overnight store remodel. It wasn't mandatory, but I was sought out and specifically asked by both of my Assistant General Managers to assist in this project. I’m part of a 15 member team and there are only four of us that are of the female persuasion. This is a large remodel, affecting about a third of the store and three of the largest departments. It was an all-hands-on-deck type of project.
After being hospitalized and utilizing therapy, I understand more about why I've had issues with co-workers, management, family, and staying on task. I was ill-equipped to handle the day-to-day pressures of the work environment. For me, communicating with others was difficult. It was easier to show them rather than trying to “use my words,” which often left me stammering, searching, or speechless and absolutely frustrated. Emotionally, everything was black or white, love it or hate it, happy or sad, with no gray area in-between. When things are such polar opposites for so long, it is hard to find that middle ground. Being OCD, I could see how stuff fit together into a bigger picture, but it also meant that I wanted (and still want) to fix those items that I see screwing up the process of getting tasks aligned and getting us to the final objective.
I knew that this two-week remodel would be tough because usually employees put in anywhere between 45-60 hours a week. It has been several years since I have worked anything close to a full-time, 40-hour work week. Add on the stressors of working overnights, with people I don’t really know, lack of proper sleep, and shifting medications and those stressors go up exponentially. My therapist and psychiatrist aren't happy about it, but understand that reaching for a goal is part of personal growth. The fact that it is only two weeks, if it doesn't work I can go back to morning stock the next shift, and that I have promised to do everything I can to stay mentally healthy makes it an acceptable risk (just not happy).
To get things rolling, I needed to switch when I took my meds. That meant taking night meds in the morning and day meds in the evening. I also rearranged my sleep schedule, sleeping through the day so I could be up all night. Changing my sleep schedule also meant that I would see less of Jen for two weeks. If you've read any of my previous posts, you know that she is my rock. I don’t like our time together to be interfered with, because it is part of what keeps me mentally healthy and balanced. She calls me out when something is going awry and together we work to adjust and fix it.
Halfway through the first overnight, I was ready to call it quits. After working in multiple kitchen environments, I thought that there wasn't much that could shock or disturb me. For the record, I just want to state that I was completely wrong about that notion. The guys on the team were vulgar, obscene, and more profane than all of the kitchens I've worked in combined (and there have been many of them). What unsettled me even more was the fact that we still had customers shopping in the store while this was happening. Don’t get me wrong, I am no prude when it comes to vulgarity, obscenities, and a good dirty joke; working in a professional kitchen tends to bring out and accentuate that side of a person. However, like many things, there is a time and a place for it. I mean, would you talk that way in front of your mother or other older relatives, probably not. For them it seems that all of their filters for what is socially acceptable were left at home.
By the time I got home, I was over-stimulated and on sensory overload. All I could think about were a good “night's” sleep and some peace and quiet. A bit of each happened, but I wasn't the only one in the household whose schedule got messed-up; Jen slept very little and Da Boys were also restless on the first night. Everyone in our home needed R & R, not just me. It was going to be a long two-week stint if this was any indication. Luckily, things have settled out for most everyone. For me, I got progressively more tired as the week went on, sleeping longer and eating less. I struggled a lot with managing sleep, time with Jen, and eating.
We finished our first week of the remodel on Friday morning. I could not have been happier that we reached that milestone and I left the store to head home. My brain was fried, my body felt heavy and ached, and to top it all off, I was too tired to even know whether or not I was hungry. The only thing I wanted was sleep and lots of it. I was in bed by 8 am and didn't wake up until Jen woke me up at 8 am this morning. That was 24 hours of sleep and I still felt like I could sleep for another 24.
Now though, what I want to do is cry. Why? Because I’m tired as hell, emotionally drained, and have another week of this crap left to go. I know I should be proud of myself for persevering, but I just can’t do it right now. Maybe sometime in the future I’ll have a better attitude as I look back, its not going to happen while I’m in the midst of the project. This remodel has also shown me that I am still unprepared and a long way from being ready to work, let alone look for, a full-time job. Again, I know I should be proud of myself for how far I've come; I’m finding it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it seems like a never-ending uphill battle.
Perspective, that’s what it all comes down to right? Talk to you in a week or so...
After being hospitalized and utilizing therapy, I understand more about why I've had issues with co-workers, management, family, and staying on task. I was ill-equipped to handle the day-to-day pressures of the work environment. For me, communicating with others was difficult. It was easier to show them rather than trying to “use my words,” which often left me stammering, searching, or speechless and absolutely frustrated. Emotionally, everything was black or white, love it or hate it, happy or sad, with no gray area in-between. When things are such polar opposites for so long, it is hard to find that middle ground. Being OCD, I could see how stuff fit together into a bigger picture, but it also meant that I wanted (and still want) to fix those items that I see screwing up the process of getting tasks aligned and getting us to the final objective.
I knew that this two-week remodel would be tough because usually employees put in anywhere between 45-60 hours a week. It has been several years since I have worked anything close to a full-time, 40-hour work week. Add on the stressors of working overnights, with people I don’t really know, lack of proper sleep, and shifting medications and those stressors go up exponentially. My therapist and psychiatrist aren't happy about it, but understand that reaching for a goal is part of personal growth. The fact that it is only two weeks, if it doesn't work I can go back to morning stock the next shift, and that I have promised to do everything I can to stay mentally healthy makes it an acceptable risk (just not happy).
To get things rolling, I needed to switch when I took my meds. That meant taking night meds in the morning and day meds in the evening. I also rearranged my sleep schedule, sleeping through the day so I could be up all night. Changing my sleep schedule also meant that I would see less of Jen for two weeks. If you've read any of my previous posts, you know that she is my rock. I don’t like our time together to be interfered with, because it is part of what keeps me mentally healthy and balanced. She calls me out when something is going awry and together we work to adjust and fix it.
Halfway through the first overnight, I was ready to call it quits. After working in multiple kitchen environments, I thought that there wasn't much that could shock or disturb me. For the record, I just want to state that I was completely wrong about that notion. The guys on the team were vulgar, obscene, and more profane than all of the kitchens I've worked in combined (and there have been many of them). What unsettled me even more was the fact that we still had customers shopping in the store while this was happening. Don’t get me wrong, I am no prude when it comes to vulgarity, obscenities, and a good dirty joke; working in a professional kitchen tends to bring out and accentuate that side of a person. However, like many things, there is a time and a place for it. I mean, would you talk that way in front of your mother or other older relatives, probably not. For them it seems that all of their filters for what is socially acceptable were left at home.
By the time I got home, I was over-stimulated and on sensory overload. All I could think about were a good “night's” sleep and some peace and quiet. A bit of each happened, but I wasn't the only one in the household whose schedule got messed-up; Jen slept very little and Da Boys were also restless on the first night. Everyone in our home needed R & R, not just me. It was going to be a long two-week stint if this was any indication. Luckily, things have settled out for most everyone. For me, I got progressively more tired as the week went on, sleeping longer and eating less. I struggled a lot with managing sleep, time with Jen, and eating.
We finished our first week of the remodel on Friday morning. I could not have been happier that we reached that milestone and I left the store to head home. My brain was fried, my body felt heavy and ached, and to top it all off, I was too tired to even know whether or not I was hungry. The only thing I wanted was sleep and lots of it. I was in bed by 8 am and didn't wake up until Jen woke me up at 8 am this morning. That was 24 hours of sleep and I still felt like I could sleep for another 24.
Now though, what I want to do is cry. Why? Because I’m tired as hell, emotionally drained, and have another week of this crap left to go. I know I should be proud of myself for persevering, but I just can’t do it right now. Maybe sometime in the future I’ll have a better attitude as I look back, its not going to happen while I’m in the midst of the project. This remodel has also shown me that I am still unprepared and a long way from being ready to work, let alone look for, a full-time job. Again, I know I should be proud of myself for how far I've come; I’m finding it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it seems like a never-ending uphill battle.
Perspective, that’s what it all comes down to right? Talk to you in a week or so...
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Awake
How can it be that I miscalculated the necessary medication I need for sleep? Or that I can easily take a mid-morning nap, be stumbling tired at bedtime and not be able to fall asleep? Well, I went to bed early yesterday, but the new year still made it here. Now tonight I am wide awake while my fiance sleeps soundly in bed. It is crazy to think that a single medication can have such an effect on one's sleep.
The holidays always seem to mess me up. Strange sleep patterns, irregular work schedules, and dealing with family dynamics is enough to make me run to the bed and hide under the covers until it is all done. It was no different this year, except that we've added a wedding ceremony and the planning of said event to our to do list. Then, of course, in the midst of all this, I screw up my medication regime. I guess I need a personal assistant, no not Siri, a real live person, who says, "hey, you need to go get those meds today, unless you want to be awake for a couple days straight." Who am I kidding? I've got the meds set up in containers for the week, set the low or empty bottles on the counter to call for a refill, refill by phone/internet, get reminder calls when they are ready to pick up at the pharmacy, and have it in my phone's scheduler, yet I still manage to forget.
It's not as if I don't know the consequences of missing my medication. Sometimes it just seems as if my brain drops the call and then tells me there's no signal. I call them "brain farts", but actually it feels like temporary amnesia. Whether you remember again remains to be seen, and the more it happens the more I lose, which leaves frustrating memory gaps and things I know are there and should be able to recall, and are tantalizingly out of my grasp.
Right now, that's how it is with sleep, within reach of my fingertips, and oh so elusive, like trying to grab hold of a cloud. I can hear the pups, quietly wup, wup, wupping, running after some sort of prey, and Jen lightly snoring along side them in the bed. All of this is happening without me, as I sit in my 1960's corduroy swivel rocker writing this post. What I wouldn't give to be tucked under the blanket snuggling one of the pups.
It never gets easier, each day is its own struggle. There are times when you think you've finally gotten a handle on an issue and another pops-up out of nowhere. If you don't keep trying then you're dying. So, on I go...better at least attempt to sleep, I've got a busy day ahead.
Ah, to sleep, perchance to dream... - Shakespeare, I believe.
The holidays always seem to mess me up. Strange sleep patterns, irregular work schedules, and dealing with family dynamics is enough to make me run to the bed and hide under the covers until it is all done. It was no different this year, except that we've added a wedding ceremony and the planning of said event to our to do list. Then, of course, in the midst of all this, I screw up my medication regime. I guess I need a personal assistant, no not Siri, a real live person, who says, "hey, you need to go get those meds today, unless you want to be awake for a couple days straight." Who am I kidding? I've got the meds set up in containers for the week, set the low or empty bottles on the counter to call for a refill, refill by phone/internet, get reminder calls when they are ready to pick up at the pharmacy, and have it in my phone's scheduler, yet I still manage to forget.
It's not as if I don't know the consequences of missing my medication. Sometimes it just seems as if my brain drops the call and then tells me there's no signal. I call them "brain farts", but actually it feels like temporary amnesia. Whether you remember again remains to be seen, and the more it happens the more I lose, which leaves frustrating memory gaps and things I know are there and should be able to recall, and are tantalizingly out of my grasp.
Right now, that's how it is with sleep, within reach of my fingertips, and oh so elusive, like trying to grab hold of a cloud. I can hear the pups, quietly wup, wup, wupping, running after some sort of prey, and Jen lightly snoring along side them in the bed. All of this is happening without me, as I sit in my 1960's corduroy swivel rocker writing this post. What I wouldn't give to be tucked under the blanket snuggling one of the pups.
It never gets easier, each day is its own struggle. There are times when you think you've finally gotten a handle on an issue and another pops-up out of nowhere. If you don't keep trying then you're dying. So, on I go...better at least attempt to sleep, I've got a busy day ahead.
Ah, to sleep, perchance to dream... - Shakespeare, I believe.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
On forgetting to take medication
For those of you who have been reading, you'll remember that yesterday I forgot to take my morning meds. This is not without its own perils. When I forget to take medication I tend to get a headache and become nauseous. I am also very tired and usually sleep the day away.
I got a second wind at about 8:30 in the evening. That's about the same time that I am supposed to be drifting peacefully off to sleep while snuggling my Shih Tzu. Staying up later is not something I enjoy as it messes with my sleep and my schedule the following day. Luckily, I don't work on Mondays or Tuesdays so I had the opportunity to recoup and get myself back on track.
On the morning after, I struggle to wake-up. I feel like I am swimming through cotton balls to get to the surface of wakefulness. It takes several hours and a shower before I am truly awake and ready to interact with others. I still feel a bit off, but should be more in tune by tomorrow morning.
Missing medication or purposefully skipping it is not something that does me or those around me any good. I have everything set-up so I keep up with it. All it does is make me more unstable and emotional and nothing good can come of it.
If you forget to take your meds what do you do? Does it mess with you? What happens if you can't afford to pay for them? What do you do then?
I got a second wind at about 8:30 in the evening. That's about the same time that I am supposed to be drifting peacefully off to sleep while snuggling my Shih Tzu. Staying up later is not something I enjoy as it messes with my sleep and my schedule the following day. Luckily, I don't work on Mondays or Tuesdays so I had the opportunity to recoup and get myself back on track.
On the morning after, I struggle to wake-up. I feel like I am swimming through cotton balls to get to the surface of wakefulness. It takes several hours and a shower before I am truly awake and ready to interact with others. I still feel a bit off, but should be more in tune by tomorrow morning.
Missing medication or purposefully skipping it is not something that does me or those around me any good. I have everything set-up so I keep up with it. All it does is make me more unstable and emotional and nothing good can come of it.
If you forget to take your meds what do you do? Does it mess with you? What happens if you can't afford to pay for them? What do you do then?
Monday, October 21, 2013
Oh Yes I Did!
Today I forgot to take my morning meds. By the time I realized this it was too late to take them, unless of course I wanted a sleepless night.
Now I'm just really tired and have slept most of the day away. Tomorrow is another day...
Do you do this too? How do you deal with it?
So, I just got my second wind @ 8:30pm. Really?! I should be in bed snoozing by now.
After I bounced into the bedroom where Jen was folding clothes and gave her a bunch of hugs she looks at me and says, "so this is what happens when you forget to take your needs, huh?" Guess so!
Now I'm just really tired and have slept most of the day away. Tomorrow is another day...
Do you do this too? How do you deal with it?
So, I just got my second wind @ 8:30pm. Really?! I should be in bed snoozing by now.
After I bounced into the bedroom where Jen was folding clothes and gave her a bunch of hugs she looks at me and says, "so this is what happens when you forget to take your needs, huh?" Guess so!
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