In the beginning...

The beginning. Hmmm, seems like a pretty good place to start.

From a very young age I remember knowing that there was something different about me, and my parents noticed it too. There were mood swings that came out of left field and just as quickly receded. I was unpredictable and very emotional. My parents noticed a pattern, when I was "high-strung" and they would give me a piece of candy I would settle down. They thought this was strange so took me to our family doctor who had me tested for diabetes. It was the only thing he could think of that could be causing the reaction. Turns out I didn't have diabetes. That also meant that there was no diagnosis either.

I wasn't an unruly child by any means. My brother and I were polite, used our manners, and were expected to respect and obey our elders (which we did). There was rarely a moment when I wasn't in motion, bouncing around from person to person and activity to activity. We were latchkey kids and I regularly got in trouble because I stole from my parents' Snoopy bank. I would get bored, take some money, go down to the 5 & Dime, and buy little trinkets; putting together model cars was a favorite past-time. Energetic was one word used to describe me, I was perpetually moving and doing, even while watching television. Looking at my elementary school report cards gave me insight into how I learned and interacted with others.

In school, I was the class clown, other kids liked me because I was always happy and entertaining. For teachers, I was a challenge; my test scores were good, when they asked me a question about the homework I could answer it, but I was disruptive in class, usually didn't finish my homework, and struggled to pay attention.

Getting me to go to bed was often a chore because I wasn't tired. Instead of sleeping I would sit in my room and play, listen to music, or read. Sometimes I would open the bedroom door a crack and listen to the TV and my parents talking or go so far as to sneak out of my room and sit behind my dad's recliner to watch TV when I should have been asleep in bed.

At this point in my life I can clearly see that I was living in a manic state for most of my childhood. Oh, that doesn't mean that I didn't have awful days, there were plenty of those too. I would get unreasonably angry and lash out at those around me, usually my brother. I once throttled him so bad that I left bruises on his neck and threw a salt shaker (Tupperware) so hard it embedded salt into the fabric of our electric organ. There were also uncontrollable crying fits and struggles with depression. When I was depressed, many thought I was sick as it was so outside of my bubbly, active personality.

The signs for Bipolar were all there and easily readable. Unfortunately, the knowledge, pharmacology, and technology were not available until much, much later. It still amazes me that I made it through childhood and adolescence.