About two months ago, I started taking a new medication. The hope was that it would reduce one of the side effects I've been experiencing. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and I've become emotionally unstable.
I had been taking Adderall, which is an amphetamine. What I've noticed about taking this medication is that it causes me to sweat profusely. In the hopes of curbing this, I was changed to Vyvanse, a new medication that extends release over a longer period of time. Adderall hits the system all at once, so there is an immediate burst of energy which then tapers off. Think of it like a sugar high. Vyvanse is an extended release medication which lasts throughout the day, doling out small doses throughout the day. The thought was that by going for the longer acting drug, the effects would not be as extreme.
You might wonder what the big deal is about sweat. This isn't the usual sweat that happens as I go about my day and differ my exertion. Nope, this is walk five feet after showering and getting dressed, only to have rivulets running down my spine and drenching the back my clean shirt kind of sweat. And, it is happening in the freezing cold of a Minnesota winter! Summer brings its own special kind of hell, with wet hair, sweat dripping from my face, and clothes so soaked that they feel like they've just come out of the washing machine. It is disgusting and I don't care for it one bit.
Changing medications did not work. In fact, quite the opposite has occurred. It feels as if it has stopped working completely. I'm still sweating profusely, and I haven't been sleeping well. I can't seem to quiet my mind and relax. I'm teetering on the edge of wakefulness, unable to tilt myself towards the dark abyss. Along with this, my emotions are cycling like crazy.
I don't know what to expect from one minute or hour to the next. Last night, I was excited to go to a friend's place for dinner and minutes later was frustrated and angry, lashing out at Jen because I couldn't find my shoes, which were in the closet where I was looking. Mere seconds later, I was crying and blubbering like a baby on her shoulder. Today wasn't any better, crying off and on, I hid in the bed with dogs so as to minimize any interactions with Jen. I know it's hard on her too and it makes me feel like crap when I hurt her in the process. Swinging rapidly between mania and depression is a struggle I'm not up to right now. I would really like it to go away, but that won't happen soon.At least I see my psychiatrist and therapist in the next couple of days to help me cope with this situation.
Here's to meds that work and better days ahead.
